pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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