The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
