I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
