I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
