just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
