I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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