The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
