If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
