Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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