i wish my penis had a tongue
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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