dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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