I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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