Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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