He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I lost the right to judge tonight
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize