you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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