Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize