sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
