apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
