You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
