Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
