You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
