I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
