dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you never un-have a 4some
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
