I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize