I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So here I am, sexting at work.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
