I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
