No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
