Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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