His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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