i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
