I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
