life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
