are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
