Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
