my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
