Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
one two three fourrrrnication!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
