your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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