did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
