but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize