It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
