Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were destined to go to rehab together
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
