Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
