I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
