I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
