I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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