Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
