I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
