Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
