i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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