hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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