you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
