it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm like, not good at living.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
