guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
