apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
