don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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