Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
