it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
