That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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