did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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