3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
