He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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