I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize