i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
