Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
