You can't motorboat a personality
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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