dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
