My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
