I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
