Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
