but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
