I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
