My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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