My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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