He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
how do you play pong handcuffed?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
