Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
