My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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