Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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