I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
