Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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