Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
