She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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