I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't put those talents on a resume
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
