For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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