It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
