I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
