Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
